Mental health is rarely an individual experience; so many individuals can be impacted and siblings are no exception. For parents, a major challenge can be navigating the delicate balance between caring for a child who is experiencing mental health concerns, while not letting the other children in the home “fall through the cracks.” Here are some of the ways siblings can be impacted and how to support your other children in the home.
Encourage understanding: siblings can be very overwhelmed and stressed by frequent outbursts and difficult behaviours in the home. Help the sibling to understand what mental illness is, how it can impact someone and why it is not their fault. Helping the sibling to better understand that the outbursts and behaviours their brother or sister exhibits can help to increase their self-compassion, versus increasing anger or jealousy. (ie: Why do they get to act like that and I cannot?)
Examine your child’s level of responsibility: Siblings can easily become overwhelmed with being the parent’s “helper” on a daily basis or being the one to have to care for younger siblings in an emergency situation, for example. It is important that the sibling still sees you as the one in charge and the one to handle crisis and day to day concerns. Studies have shown that children placed in a parenting role are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders later in life.
Reserve special time: It is normal for a sibling to feel overlooked at times, especially if your other child has significantly difficult behaviours or emotional crisis that prompt attention from you regularly. For this reason, it is important to set aside time to spend with your other children individually. It could be going to a movie together, going to the park, shopping, or bike riding. Set aside time to check in with your child, to gauge how they are doing and feeling. This will help you to bond and reconnect and will increase the likelihood that if there are concerns, your child will feel comfortable going to you for support and not feel that “mom is too busy.”
Get support: Siblings also benefit from having their own mental health supports. Sibling therapy and support groups are geared specifically to managing the unique emotions that siblings experience when their brother or sister is not well. Having support can help your child to process the feelings they are going through in an environment that is just about them.
Mary Charron is a social worker, specializing in child, family and adolescent therapy in Newmarket. She can be reached at marycharrontherapy@gmail.
