Writer dreams about a melding of the U.S. and Canada (5 photos)

I woke up this morning from the oddest dream.

Composing myself, I brewed a pot of Lipton’s tea and an English muffin for my partner as required under the terms of my service contract. I have been in service as long as I can recall.

“I had a dream”, I commented to her and I had given some thought to the larger and more intractable problems facing the United States.

I would knock out a  letter forthwith to the President as well as the Queen, I stated.

Turning to look down her nose from where she had her pince-nez perched, she inquired ever so kindly if I had taken my meds? Zing!

Yes, I answered dutifully, I downed the Ritalin and am more focused than ever before. If she would just pay attention briefly, I would explain my theory.

“We despair, when the ice and cold is upon us, that Florida is not a part of Canada, in spite of our efforts to colonize that state. We despair, that we cannot repair, to a country with a warm climate speaking the “Queen’s English.”

My letter will appeal to Joe Biden’s conciliatory nature by suggesting a reverse takeover, in which the United States joins Canada and restores that brotherly unity put asunder by revolution over tea and taxes.

Boston? Pshaw! Burning the White House?

Minor madness - we can make it great again?

Taxation without representation? Now you have representation without taxation!

Need a friend in the schoolyard? We’ve got your back America. The letter, I suggested, would have to be written with some care as Republics are touchy about freedom and all that stuff, they always get up and sing patriotic songs with drums and fipple flutes accompanying them as they march on their Capitols.

Penny a whistle…buy one now, join us, we are right about this one.

What happened in St. Petersburg, could happen here, I will tell Joe. Their revolution only lasted till the wall fell…how long will yours? C’mon people now…tell  your brothers and sisters right now.

We are stronger together Joe, I will tell him. Queenie wants it before she goes I am certain. My letter to her would be brief and explain the whys and wherefores and whatevers.

Imagine the fallout. The United States of North America.  Okay, we can work on a better name.

Hill & Knowlton could work on it.

I suggest we have a border incident if the U.S. hesitates. We dress up a few of our guys to look like American soldiers…  “Is that the warrior in you, asks my wife?”

A little morning zinger!

Diplomacy may work better than outright war with our best friends. They may say leave it the way it is as a buffer between friends and  enemies - good fences make good neighbours.

Now, there would have to be a proviso, such as what we do with Quebec and the West.

I suggest to her that they might consider an alliance with France and  Rome. That way, Lafontaine could retain its independence and be a minor French Duchy with one of Les Anciennes Familles as titular heads of 'Pommes de Terreville.'

My wife is considering a change in my medication and made the phone call. As they carted me away in the tumbrel I was heard to cry,  “Vivent Les Pommes de Terre Libre!”

René Hackstetter January 19, 2021.