I’m about to make a confession.
I’ve been wrestling with why I am feeling the way I am for a while now. I should probably seek out someone with a nice comfy couch and start talking.
There is the off chance my feelings are normal and maybe you are thinking some of the same things.
For the last year and a half, I have been desperate for life to get back to normal, but now I am dragging my feet.
How many times have I thought about the freedom of getting out of the house and into concert halls, theatres and restaurants?
The thought of crossing the border again sounded like a dream.
Now, as we are hopefully headed to being fully vaccinated and the data shows society may eventually be ready to re-open, I find myself scared.
Of what? Everything.
When I hear other countries are opening up fully, I hear myself saying, “No, too soon, too soon."
I will feel pretty protected from COVID-19 once the majority of us have had our jabs.
Science tells us nothing is 100 per cent if you have received the shot, but still I don’t think it's really fear of the disease that has me paralyzed.
It is almost like I don’t completely want to go back to “normal."
If I am completely honest the pandemic has been a fairly good excuse for not doing anything I don’t want to do.
“Want to come to a potluck outside?”
“Oh gosh, I can’t. I’m not fully vaccinated.”
“Want to come to a party?”
“No can do — you are not my pod!”
“You want to get together for a visit?”
“Um, maybe you can just call me.”
What makes no sense is that I do want to see people and socialize and have meals together and go on road trips, but just not quite yet.
I fear what the first few public outings will be like.
Mask on or mask off? What will we talk about? Will I even remember how to make eye contact?
I already know there will be some things I will likely not be comfortable doing.
I would be fine going to the movies again, but I don’t want to sit by strangers. (No offence.)
Buffet lines are a giant “nope” for me.
Plane trips? I guess I’ll be forced to do it, but how long can I hold my breath? All that togetherness freaks me right out.
A cruise ship? I adore the idea, but I can’t help but think of it as a giant petri dish.
There’s been a lot of surveys done suggesting that a high percentage of people — mostly those under 40 — do not want to return to a traditional office setting.
A new study by global staffing firm Robert Half shows one in three professionals currently working from home would actually quit and look for a new job if forced back to the office full-time.
Fifty-one per cent would prefer to continue to work from home or, if necessary, just do a couple of days in the office a week.
It will be interesting to see how companies manoeuvre what is sure to be a changed work landscape.
Let’s face it. We have been given a year-and-a-half pass to dress down.
All-day pyjamas, slippers instead of shoes, no makeup, no hair styling — it has been both a blessing and a curse.
I have to really talk myself into making an effort when nobody is really going to see me. If I am going to do errands — with a mask on — how about I just wear mascara and leave the bottom half of my face naked?
So, maybe my fear of getting back on track is because I have become lazier than ever?
I’m guessing the true fear is that we don’t know what normal will look like at the end of 2021-22.
We’ve had to shift and pivot in so many situations and some of it has actually worked for us.
Some have been more difficult.
But back to my original question: What am I afraid of?
I think I am petrified of who I will be at the end of it all.
Are we changed forever?
I think the answer is a giant group hug.
Oh, scratch that!
